Sooo… It’s been a while. A long while. About four months, actually. And I’m really sorry about that. I mean, I never meant to neglect this blog the way I have. In my defense, though, I was sort of going through a quarter-life crisis. Graduating college and entering the real world hit me a lot harder than I thought it would, and I’ll admit that I started to flounder. I started second-guessing everything, which led to me overcompensating in some parts of my life while totally dropping the ball with others. But no more! We’re going to get things back on track.
In these past few months, I’ve made some pretty tough decisions. After hitting rock bottom, where I felt depressed and overwhelmed by everything I was trying and failing to do, I finally sat down and started thinking about what I really wanted. And here are the conclusions I came to:
1.) I don’t want to make YouTube videos anymore.
I know. This one shocked me, too, since being a YouTuber has been one of my biggest dreams since I was a kid. It’s just that… making YouTube videos kind of sucks. You have to get dressed up. Do your makeup nice. Find a nice camera angle. Try and sound halfway coherent while you speak and also be super entertaining. Sometimes you have to film a video more than once because the first take is utter garbage. Then you have to spend hours editing and uploading it. And it’s nearly impossible to gain any kind of momentum in channel growth without putting out at least one video a week, which is nearly impossible to do when you’re also trying to work a part-time job and write a book and revise another book and then still have time for yourself.
I just couldn’t do it, guys. Blogging is so much easier. I can bang out one of these posts in half an hour, max, and usually they’re higher quality and more entertaining than my videos! So, from now on, I’m going to be posting all of the content I would usually make for my channel on this blog instead. It’s gonna be lit.
2.) I really want to start focusing on furthering my acting career.
Something y’all may not even know about me is that I’m not only an aspiring author, but also an aspiring actress. It’s something I’ve never really talked about on here because, well, this is a writing blog. But it is something I’ve always loved to do, and something I’ve wanted to make a career out of alongside my writing. Unfortunately, it’s another thing that I’ve let slip in my life, but now that I’m getting my shit together it’s definitely something I want to put my energy into again.
3.) I need to make writing fun again.
Yeah, I hate to admit it, but writing really hasn’t been a lot of fun lately. I’ve just been too worried about… Well, about everything. About what potential readers might find wrong with my books. About writing something that could get me an agent and publishing deal, rather than writing something that I’m actually passionate about. It’s all been a great big mess, and I know that’s on me. I’ve let things get to my head, and now I have to work past all of the fear and anxiety that’s built up inside of me. I need to write for fun, instead of writing to get paid (because, at this point, I’m neither having fun nor getting paid, so what good is that?).
I’m also making small lifestyle changes, like eating healthier and exercising every day, and I’m trying to read more rather than just binging Netflix every night. Hopefully, making these changes, both big and small, will lead to me feeling happier and more fulfilled in my life. Already, I’m feeling more excited to wake up in the morning and get started with my day. So, here’s to ending 2018 right, and to a 2019 that’s sure to be full of fun and success!